Amor y otras cosas: Emotional Codependency

• José Luis López Velarde talks to you about emotional codependency and techniques to manage it.
• It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; however, it’s important to identify certain points to be healthy.
• Understanding this phenomenon will help you have the tools for a harmonious relationship.

Today we’re going to talk about how to love without falling into emotional codependency. I’m José Luis López Velarde, and for over 12 years, I’ve been helping people build and maintain healthy and lasting loving relationships.

Emotional codependency is a common issue in many relationships, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you as a person.

It’s important to understand that we’re in a constant learning process, and sometimes, we stumble before we learn to walk correctly.

Most of us grow up in family environments with their own deficiencies and dynamics. We learn to relate by observing our parental figures’ interactions.

Codependency can sometimes be stealthy

These upbringing experiences influence how we relate to others in adulthood, including our romantic relationships.

Emotional codependency may seem like a problem, but it’s important to understand that it’s not your fault. Often, we develop behavior patterns automatically and without being aware of it.

These patterns can have short-term benefits but can also create conflicts and discomfort in our relationships.

The first thing I want you to understand is that you’re not guilty of having an emotionally codependent relationship.

An opportunity for growth

You learned these behaviors at some point in your life, and now you’re here to learn to transcend them and grow as a person.

Eliminating shame and guilt won’t solve the problem. Instead of blaming yourself or others, it’s important to recognize that this is part of your growth process.

Emotional codependency can be an opportunity to learn and transform into a better version of yourself.

I want to offer you three techniques to help you overcome emotional codependency:

Tools to cope with codependency

The NO Joke: For the next seven days, practice saying «no» automatically whenever someone asks you for something, even if it’s something simple like passing the salt.

Then, soften the refusal and comply with the request. This technique will help you learn to set boundaries, something crucial in healthy relationships.

Boundary Flexibility: Recognize that in a romantic relationship, it’s important to have the flexibility to adjust boundaries. If you’re someone who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, you need to learn to do so.

If, on the other hand, you have very rigid boundaries, you need to learn to allow the other person to gradually advance in the relationship. Learning to manage boundaries is essential for a balanced relationship.

Psychotherapy

The third technique, and perhaps the most important, is to seek the help of a therapist. Therapy will provide a safe space to explore your emotions, understand your behavior patterns, and learn strategies for building healthier relationships.

Psychotherapy is a powerful tool for personal growth and positive change. In summary, the goal is not emotional independence, as that’s a fantasy.

What we seek is emotional interdependence, where we recognize that our emotions can influence each other in some situations.

Learning to set proper, flexible boundaries and seeking support through therapy are important steps to love without falling into emotional codependency. For now, José Luis López Velarde says goodbye to you and thanks you for your attention. See you next time!