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Yes, I Was a Sex Addict

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  • This is the story of a sex problem
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  • Anyone can have this

Although I am in a happy, healthy relationship now, I have been a sex addict in my past. My partner doesn’t know about it, and only a few of my closest friends are aware of the ribald details. But suffice to say, I was a sex addict, and it wasn’t pretty.

It started a few months after I’d ended a serious long-term relationship. I needed to work on my self-esteem, so I joined a gym for the first time. That’s where I met David, the trainer I was assigned to set up a workout routine and teach me how to use the machines. He was flirtatious from the outset, and I appreciated the attention. He was a trainer, after all, so of course he was in great shape, and tall and handsome to boot. He certainly motivated me to keep my gym appointments!

Addict out of this world

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We soon began dating, or, I should say, sleeping together. Our chemistry was electric—passionate, erotic, and totally addictive. He was very assertive and dominant, both in and out of the bedroom, and that was a total turn-on to me. Trust me, we made Anastasia WhatsHerFace and Christian Grey look like Barbie and Ken! It was like having all my sexual fantasies, the ones I’d never been able to share with anyone, come true, and then some. 

And it wasn’t just me. David couldn’t resist me anymore than I could him. We both knew how to push the right buttons with each other to guarantee ecstasy—multiply orgasmic, intoxicating ecstasy. When we weren’t together, we’d send each other explicit emails, or he’d call me at work in the middle of the day to tell me what he had planned for me that night, we were a sex addict. Even after all these years, just thinking about sex with David is enough to leave me a little weak in the knees. 

Being blind by it

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So maybe you’re thinking this all doesn’t sound so bad, right? Well, there’s a downside to be a sex addict, and that is that just like any other addiction, sexual addiction clouds your judgment and leads you to make bad decisions. After all, your decisions are based around what it’s going to take to get your next fix—in this case, your next sexual encounter. 

David, for as good as he was in bed, was horribly mean outside the bedroom. Just as he used sex to control me, he manipulated my emotions terribly. He would stop calling me for three days if I said something to make him mad. If he called and my line was busy, he wouldn’t answer when I called back, to punish me for not being at his beck and call. I’d cancel plans with friends if he wanted to see me, because I didn’t want to risk making him mad and enduring another week of the silent treatment. Addict. In the year and half we were together, he never brought me a present—other than a sex toy—never met my friends or family and never introduced me to his. He did everything he could to make me feel like I was only in his life for the sex. Yet I turned our erotic connection into something deeper than what it was, and I convinced myself that I loved him, and that he loved me. 

Healing the addict

A woman recovering from being an addict
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I finally accepted a job offer in another state—both because it was a good offer and to get away from him. I broke up with him definitively on my first trip back to visit (I stayed with friends, not with him!) and he couldn’t believe it. He held onto me and repeatedly told me he loved me, and begged me to change my mind. But I was resolute about not being a sex addict , and I left him standing in a parking garage, forlorn, as I drove away.

I wish I could look back on that period and laugh, but I still can’t. I’ve had great sex since then and hopefully will continue to do so, but with David, I learned the destructive power of a sex addiction. So ladies (and men), my parting wisdom on this subject is to remember that a relationship can never be all about sex, no matter how sizzling those encounters may be. Being addict to sex can fool you into thinking all sorts of things—that you’re in love, that you’ll never have great sex with anyone else, and that the abusive relationship and your addictive behavior are somehow “normal.” Trust me: it’s not love; you will have great sex again, emotional abuse is not acceptable and you can survive without this person in your life! 

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