8 Oral Sex Do’s & Don’ts For Men & Women

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Around 90% of Americans between 25-44 have had oral sex with someone of the opposite sex, according to WebMD. That means that most people have had it, are having it or will have oral sex at some point in their lives. Speaking about it openly with your partner can be a little bit of a struggle though, especially if you’re having a casual sexual relationship.

In an ideal world, sexual matters would be addressed openly in conversation, but since this is not the norm, here are some do’s and don’ts to help both men and women enjoy it. Oral sex involves, but is not limited to inserting your partner´s penis in your mouth and sucking or licking it, and him or her licking and sucking on your genitals or anus (also called “rimming”).

WHEN GIVING AND RECEIVING ORAL SEX, DO …

Be safe. The CDC (Center for Disease Control) warns that oral sex can transmit STDs such as herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts (HPV), intestinal parasites (amebiasis), and hepatitis A. It can also transmit HIV but to the same degree as any other unprotected form of sex.

When Michael Douglas admitted his throat cancer was triggered by HPV (human papillomavirus), it helped spread the message that oral sex, enjoyable as it can be, also requires certain safety measures. A man should wear a condom while receiving oral sex and women can use a Dental Dam on their genitals. Dental Dam is a thin square of latex that is placed on the vulva during oral sex or on the anus when rimming. You may purchase it online or at specialized drugstores. If you don’t have that on hand, you can always cut a condom in half lengthwise and use that as protection. 

Bathroom

Be clean. While there is no point in fretting over normal body scents, which are actually designed to sexually arouse your partner, both parties should head to the bathroom before giving or receiving oral sex. Even when you use protection—see point 1—you both need to feel, smell and yes, look clean. There is nothing wrong with asking your sexual partner to take a shower before having sex. You can even make it a part of foreplay by indulging in it together. 

Be mindful. Not everyone enjoys giving and/or receiving oral sex to the same degree. Whether you love it or prefer to abstain entirely, if you are in a committed relationship, you will need to learn to make concessions in this arena just as in every other part of life. When you perform oral sex, take it slow, focus entirely on your partner’s pleasure, and make sure your teeth are covered by your lips, so you don’t hurt him. When receiving oral sex, relax and enjoy, without making excuses for not reaching orgasm fast enough or anything else that you may be self-conscious of. If you are a guy, then follow the same directions we just gave her. Tune in to your partner’s body language and proceed accordingly. If a certain caress doesn’t seem to be giving pleasure, gracefully change tactics. 

Research

Be prepared. If you are unsure of how to please your partner through oral sex, read or watch a tutorial (no, not a porn movie, which does not depict reality). Ask your closest gay friends for pointers. They are usually less inhibited than heterosexual men and more eager to explain exactly where, how and where they like to be touched in order to reach a mindblowing orgasm.

In fact, that is how I learned how to give good oral sex, perform the best hand jobs and even enjoy anal sex. If you’re a guy, ask your female friends. Don’t wait until you’re in bed with your dream woman, and find yourself fumbling around. Worst case scenario, ask your partner how he or she likes it. Then, do it!

WHEN GIVING AND RECEIVING ORAL SEX, DON´T …

Make assumptions. This means don’t assume your partner loves it—or hates it—as much as you do. If you don’t dare ask, simply test the waters by slowly exploring his or her genitals with your fingers and then going down on him or her, all the while being aware of how they respond to your moves. By the same token, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want or like. 

Be predictable. Especially if you’re in a monogamous committed long-term relationship (that was a mouthful, pun intended!), oral sex and sex in general requires a little creativity to keep both parties aroused and interested. Try new positions, new techniques—such as putting an ice cube in your mouth along with his penis. The good old 69, where you can both perform oral sex to each other at once is great, but it´s not the only position. Experiment together. Try sex toys. Enact your fantasies. 

Don’t rush

Be forceful. At least not unless you’re both in agreement that you want to have rough sex that day. If you can tell your partner just isn´t in the mood for it, don’t force it. Every sexual encounter needs to take into account your frame of mind, how much time you have ahead, and in the case of women, hormonal fluctuations. Realize that sometimes sex is more fun when you give without expecting the same in return—unless in the long run it doesn’t balance out.

Be impatient. Never, ever belittle your partner for not coming as fast or as slow as you would like him or her to. A good sexual relationship involves trust, comfort and the knowledge that it’s team work. Oral sex is best enjoyed with plenty of time ahead of you, although you can always surprise your guy with a quick blowjob and be sure he will be ever grateful for it no matter how short it was. Women usually need more foreplay and more time to orgasm. In the end oral sex is just one more aspect of a sexual relationship. The better informed you are about it, the more skilled you will become and the more you will both enjoy it.