The Mom Walk of Shame: 10 Ways to Handle Catching Your Son Masturbating

• A situation that cause embarrassment on both sides
• Is a practice that is normal for them at that age
• Now what to do if this happens to you

Ah the walk of shame. Most of us have been there at one time or another. (Hey Freshman year of college, remember me?) But usually the incident we are shamefully walking away from was our own doing. And then you become a mom, and you have a whole new set of experiences to be embarrassed about—your kids. 

If you have a teen son and have seen Bridesmaids then chances are you will never forget the line about teenage boys. “They smell, they’re sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there is semen all over everything. Disgusting. I cracked a BLANKET in half.” Ugh.

It’s natural that your son does this

But like it or not, masturbation is a part of life, and it’s definitely a part of a teenage boy’s life. A recent study confirms that teen boys, more so than girls, do it early and often. At some point all boys do it, and at some point most moms accidentally witness it. Terrifying but true. So what do you do? How should you react?

According to Dr. Cynthia Robbins, Assistant Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at Indiana University, “it is important to let adolescents know about masturbation because they may receive either no information or mixed messages on masturbation, yet it is a major way adolescents express sexuality.” It’s a stick situation (sorry, we had to) but luckily you’re not alone. Here are 10 ways to handle that dreaded moment when you catch your son masturbating.

10. Close the door quietly and walk away

Note, this does not mean scream, slam the door and run the other way. That might send somewhat of a negative message to your son, like you’re fleeing the scene of a crime. Instead calmly excuse yourself, close the door and wait for a more appropriate time to discuss what happened.

9. Don’t freak out.

This is a big one. If you freak out your son will freak out and try having a healthy and mature conversation when everyone is embarrassed, emotional and flipping out. Stay calm, take deep breaths, if you need to excuse yourself for a moment go ahead, and then coolly tell your son that you’d like to talk about it.

8. Remember your son is MUCH more embarrassed than you are.

Yes, it’s awkward for everyone involved, but you have the benefit of maturity and knowing that masturbation is normal. Your son is probably not only embarrassed but also a bit ashamed of what you saw. It’s important that you remain calm about the situation, and explain to your son that there is no need to be uncomfortable and that you love him.

7. Seek advice from another man.

If you’re a single mom and there’s no dad in the picture, ask your son if he would be more comfortable talking to a male (a relative, family friend, or family doctor) about sexual issues. Of course, you should be able to talk to him about these kinds of things too, but sometimes a little guy-to-guy time is needed.

6. Respect the privacy of your kids

We all need our own space and what we choose to do in that space (within reason) is our choice. As hard as it might be to loosen the reigns a little and let your son have his space, it’s crucial you respect his privacy and explain that you trust him. That means no more barging into his room unannounced and no more spying on him when he asks for privacy.

5. Time for some daddy duty.

Some times you need dad to do the heavy lifting, literally and figuratively. It’s hard for a teenage boy to talk about sexuality and masturbation and it must be really hard to talk about those things with your mom. If possible have dear old dad talk to him about it.

4. Knock, knock, who’s there?

When your kid was a baby you basically lived in him room. When he got a little older he till begged for you to come hug him goodnight. But now he’s getting older and his room is one of the few things that’s HIS. Eliminate the potential for awkward moments and always knock and wait for an answer before entering. You’ll thank us later.

3. Educate your son on safe sex.

Masturbation may be a solo activity but it’s a sign that your son is having (very normal) sexual urges. Make sure that he knows the important facts about safe sex, respecting girls, and making smart, healthy choices.

2. Remember he might not be sexually active.

Just because he’s masturbating does not mean that your son is, or will be, sexually active any time soon. It’s a great idea to talk about safe sex now, and if your son is not having sex then it’s a great time to support him and explain that there is no rush. Bottom line, be there for him no matter what he chooses to do sexually, but offer advice and information so that he can make smart choices when he is ready.

1. Make sure all siblings are on the same page regarding privacy.

You’re not the only one who sometimes wants to bust into your son’s room. Make sure your other children—sisters especially—know to knock and respect your son’s privacy too. Trust us, otherwise you’re facing even more incredibly awkward conversations with yet another child.