Are Your Kids Ruining Your Sex Life?

• Kids are a blessing in our life, but sometimes you also need to pay attention to other stuff
• Is important to be there for your partner and have a conversation about your life
• When was the last time you and he were in the bed?

Are your kids ruining your sex life? It doesn’t have to be so!  Caring for children can be both physically and emotionally draining. Even when they’re not waking you up twice a night or walking in on your private moments, children deprive you of heartfelt conversations, romantic dinners, weekends away and unhurried, unscheduled sex. Now for the positive side: you can have children and a sex life, too.

One of the best ways to show your children how to love is to have a loving relationship with your spouse. So between childcare duties and work and Little League practice and parent teacher conferences and shopping and household chores, how can you keep the spark in your marriage when the “two of you” has grown to the three or four or five of you? Follow these tips to keep your kids from ruining your sex life.

Me time away from the kids

Give a parenting break. She loves you, she loves your kids. But everyone needs some “me” time. Offer your spouse a break when she doesn’t have to be wife or mother. There’s time for her to take a morning jog, or take a yoga class, or even to have a weekend lunch with her friends. Take the kids to the park so she can take a bubble bath. Volunteer to buy the kids dinner at McDonald’s so she can have an hour to herself and a good book.

Treat her as lover, not just parent. Use your pet name for your spouse and avoid addressing each other as “Mommy” or “Daddy.” Trust me, it’s hard to feel sexy when your name is “Mommy.”  Don’t take each other for granted. Remember when you were first together and separated for an entire day? You’d greet each other with a kiss and a hug and a “how was your day, Honey?” Don’t let that emotion get lost in what’s for dinner, finishing the homework and watching the news. A few minutes of attention can go a long way for both of you.

Schedule

Get out of the rut. Many times as parents you fall into a routine of being partners rearing children instead of being sexual partners. You have to schedule time to be romantic when you have children, so do it. Make love in a room other than the bedroom. Sex isn’t just for night time, so get a sex life while the kids car pool to soccer practice. Call each other at work and flirt like you did before you had kids. Surprise her and replace the comfy pajamas with a bit of sexy lingerie.

Have a date night. Find a sitter for the kids and leave them for the evening. The kids will appreciate the change in routine as much as you do. Go to dinner, or go to a movie that’s not rated G. Hold hands and eat ice cream, or take in an art exhibit. Recreate some of the fun you had when you were dating and keep the romance alive. If there’s no money for a sitter, swap time with another couple or let the kids spend the night with their grandparents.

When the kids are in home and you out

Let her know she’s still the woman of your dreams. She might feel self-conscious that her body has changed after having children. Tell her she’s more womanly, and sexy in a more mature way. Let her know she’s still desirable and incredibly sexy. If she doesn’t feel romantic, encourage her to just lie in your arms or offer a back massage and see what happens next.

Make time for sex. It’s hard to get in the mood when you’re tired or overworked or stressed out. Divide the house chores or childcare duties. Bring home dinner for the kids and let them eat in the kitchen while you and your spouse have a romantic dinner (take out is fine!) alone in the dining room. Stay up late or get up early, but make time for sex. Share a bottle of wine and snuggle on the couch once the kids are in bed.

Details

Have a love affair with your spouse. You romanced her to get to this point, so bring the romance back into your love life. An unexpected note stuck in her lunch bag, surprise flowers, a phone call just to say you’re thinking of her. It worked once, it will work again! Being a partner both in and out of bedroom is the sexiest thing you can do to put your partner in the mood! 

The greatest gift you can give your children is to teach them to love themselves and others. They learn best from the two most important people in their lives, you and your spouse. Sex in a marriage is for more than procreation. It’s an expression of the love you and your partner share and it never has to fade away, no matter how often the kids climb into bed with you!